My source in "The Media"(we'll call him Chip) recently gave me this un-cut, raw footage from the 2004 debate between George "The Destroying Monkey From God" Bush and John "The Masochist" Kerry. In it, W filibusters with a twitching rant of non-sequiters for six minutes, making many of his handlers panic. (W had been suffering from dementia since his teens. The result of Georgie liking the taste of paint and electrical outlets. This fact was usually masked by the "good 'ole boy" persona Bush has adopted, but he was having a very acute dellusional episode. The footage COULD NOT reach the public's view.) Immediately after the "live" broadcast of the debate, the secret service destroyed all un-edited, raw footage. Or so they thought. Chip discovered a copy in a largely unused utility closet in a remote quadrant of "The Media" building. Chip has used the closet for a private place to masturbate and pick scabs during his long shifts as a "Sanitizer" in Consumption Room 333.
Do not underestimate the danger Chip faces for giving the video to your humble author. If he is discovered he will be squadded for sure.(No one knows precisely what happens to a squadded citizen, but the little information we have indicates it involves a constant barrage of country music, a holy-water enema, and the subject is forced to watch Jay Leno over and over again. That is a horror I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy. Of course this is not confirmed, as no one who's been squadded has been heard from again.) Chip is a true patriot however, and will continue to fight for his country's integrity, no matter how bad his eczema gets. He knows that all four of the readers at thefringe, demand truth........So, here it is.
I have never seen a man lose his mind before. I had to turn away in spots.
As I was writing this post Chip called to tell me he was in the hospital. His goiter attacked him and bit half of his ear off. It seems they were arguing about bills and it escalated. Something about an infection......He wasn't really specific, but he's going to be in there for a couple of days. He did promise to keep exposing the lies of government as soon as he gets out of the hospital. Well, right after he re-arranges and cleans the refrigerator where hs keeps his collection of pus.
Chip, I wish you a speedy recovery sir. You are doing the work of truth.
Your humble author has aquired a secret memo written by Vice President Dick Cheney to his closest advisor and Chief of Staff, David Addington. What follows is the transcript in it's entirety. My sources, as always, shall remain nameless.
RE: Pakistan
David,
We need to wrap our arms around this thing quickly. If we don't, it could potentially inhibit us from getting into Iran by Spring. As you know, the contractors will be furious with any delay. Rightly so! Such a delay would cost all of us tens of millions! There is no money in Pakistan, remember that. Anyway, are they not a sovereign nation? The US does not meddle in the affairs of sovereign nations.(wink) The focus must remain on Iran and the riches there. Now, I have a few ideas that I'd like you to get started on ASAP.
1. CONTAINMENT This should start with writing something for the monkey to read to the sheep, on TV. Something on the order of, "We tried, we don't like what he's done, but we are hopeful it is temporary.....", this will create the illusion that we care about democracy. IT SHOULD NOT BE A PRESS CONFERENCE!! This is essential! It should be a monologue. He must not be put in a position where unscripted questions could be asked. Get someone started on this right away. I want to see his lying eyes on every network by tonight....hopefully he can deliver a relatively twitch free speech. Get the CIA to abduct and kill a pretty white girl to distract the media. This should be done immediately.
2. SPIN As you know, Pakistan, as far as JQ Public is concerned, is a staunch ally in the "War on Terror". This illusion must be maintained at all costs. Even as we witness a fellow "democracy" suspending it's constitution, we must maintain a guarded ambiguity as far as public statements are concerned. We must denounce this action with vigor, yet at the same time, we must assert that we understand why it had to be done. The good General gave us a gem of distorted history when he implied that he was just like Lincoln. We will use that. It will be talking point number one. The Lincoln/Musharraf comparison must be made as often as possible. It all falls under the heading "War on Terror". This message must be pushed. This will make it easier when we completely suspend our constitution in late Spring/early Summer, 2008. Call Roger Ailes and get him to start bleating right away.
As far as keeping Iran in the eye of the storm, we need to link the Iranian Revolutionary Guard to either the dissidents within Pakistan(trying to destroy a country allied with the US on terror) or the militant muslims in Waziristan (trying to destroy a country allied with infidels). Talk to Lieberman, I'm sure he's got a theory. Then get the radio boys out spreading the word. However, they should use the IRG in Pakistan arguement only as a bridge to bring the conversation back to Iraq and Iran's presence there. We can sell that much easier. Get started right away, David.
3. PREPARATION Finally, in the long term, we need to analyze his power grab and learn from it. Precedents will have to be invented. Lincoln is a good place to start, but we will need more. Get our shifty legal team to make some up. I don't care how much history is distorted, I want at least 20 arguable reasons why the president has the right to suspend the rule of law on my desk by 6PM. Get in contact with Mitch and Lindsey. Tell those closet cases to start preaching unlimited presidential power and how it might be necessary to fight Al Qaeda. Get this message out there right away! This is essential! After all, selling tyranny to the very people you aim to oppress is not an easy venture. If, in fact, the lemmings do not jump, we always have NSPD #51. However, it is far more beneficial to our ideology to be GIVEN absolute power, even if we do have a gun pointed at America's collective head. Democratic government in the US will cease six weeks after "we" attack Iran, whether unilaterally or in support of Israel.
4. KEEP THE WARS RAGING The necessity of this one is obvious and paramount. I needn't say more.
These four things are imperative to retaining and gaining power through 2009 and beyond. There is money to be made, David. Worlds to conquer. We just need to convince the frightened masses....and we WILL!
I know you will not disappoint me. I know you will not disappoint me. I know you will not disappoint your Company.
Cheney
PS. I received the gift from you and your family. What a lovely chair! Thank you! It has such an unusual look and feel, yet it makes me so comfortable. I particularily like the fact that it's frame is made from human bones lashed together with sinew, taken from the biceps of children, right before they were bludgeoned to death. The odor of layers of singed human hair, which make up the padding on the seat, seat-back, and arms is well preserved. My nostrils flare with the sweet smell of suffering everytime I sit down. But my favorite feature has to be the upholstery. Made from the skin of newborn babies, cured in their mother's tears, and dipped in the blood of innocents. It gives it a deep, malevolence. I truly am fond of it. I have spent many hours sitting in that chair breaking kittens limbs and then throwing them in a hot fire. Their painful screams are a perfect soundtrack to my evening. Sometimes I eat my own hair.
Cheney.
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Remarkable, eh!? Somehow these secret documents keep falling into my calloused, nicotine stained hands. I would not be a good American without sharing them at thefringe, would I?
BANTAM! MUTHASHUTYOMOUTH!!!! Go Getchyoself Impeachment!!!
BREAKING NEWS!!!
ROBERTSON ENDORSES RUDY!
GOD CANNOT BE HAPPY.
.....And like Michael said to Kate, after telling her about Luca Brazi and the band leader, "That's a true story".
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Back to the post.......
GOOOD ON YA, D TO THE K. GET IMPEACHMENT UNDERWAY.
In the following video two things are evident:
1. Tucker Carlson is a fucking tool. 2. Dennis Kucinich is a fucking true American.
Though Tucker does his best to condescend in his questioning, Kucinich not only does not back away, he instigates. Bravo! You little, UFO seeing, truth-telling, hot wife having PATRIOT! Dennis "the Bantam" Kucinich a few other brave souls have demonstrated that some politicians will advocate for the people. Unfortunately, the rest of the dems are paycheck politicians and most of the repubs are criminals, KEEN.
I don't think Dennis has EVER voted to support the war in Iraq, in ANY way. That took honest balls back in the early days, when most Americans were so scared they fell in love with a retarded fake cowboy. That sputtering imbecile promised to protect us. Well, he protected us right into a WORLD WIDE religious war and an ALMOST INSURMOUNTABLE debt. He also has destroyed the reputation and good name of America. All by keeping us afraid.
Now if Dennis was in the white house in 2001, he wouldn't have been scared and he wouldn't want us to be. It's evident in the fact that this guy is fucking FUCKING out of his league. I mean, Mrs. K is a box! That alone says something about being cool under pressure. An elfin lothario playing in the big time. Guys, imagine walking up to a beautiful woman, making confident small talk and asking her out, all the while being eye-level with her cleavage. THAT IS A TOUGH SELL! Obviously, this guy isn't scared. Brave leaders make their followers brave. They don't scare you into being scared.
MAN! She's hot.
Anyway, back to Impeachment.
Tucker, in his constitutional wisdom, equates impeachment with "overthrowing the government". Oh yeah, the media is liberal.
By the way, the people agree with impeachment of Cheney/Bush in greater numbers than ever supported the impeachment of Clinton.
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Dennis Kucinich. I mean, this is a guy who is running for President of the Greatest Collapsing Country in the World, and he admits to thinking he saw a UFO! That is borderline, suicidally honest.....AND I LOVE IT!!
Unfortunately, Americans don't vote for people who are honest, or strong, or smart, or humble, or compassionate....Not if they look like Eddie Munster and claim to see a UFO. No. We vote for lying, weak, stupid, arrogant, unfeeling, failures who look like a confused Marlboro Man and believe........
HUH.
It's a good thing the US is pretty, cuz we sure are dumb. And beauty fades.
Witness Marion "The Pot" Robertson call the kettle black. See him assail academia and your intelligence. Watch as he plans world wide domination through the use of ignorance. Hear him call others "radicals" without an ounce of irony or self awareness. Watch him shamelessly plug his bible "college" where thousands are taught how not to think or question.
Only one of god's true prophets could cram that much anti-education, authoritarian, and self-promoting bullshit into one minute, 22 seconds. Poor Mary seems quite upset with the concept of humans having a free exchange of ideas. Who can blame him? Curious people are harder to control.
I know, maybe I should ease up on 'ole Mary. At least the coiffed, christian capitalist isn't advocating for someone to be assasinated. After all, as the commandments say, "thou shall not kill". Being a good christian, I'm sure he will abide by the biblical criminal code.
JESUS PALOMINO! JESUS H. CHRIST ON A POPSICLE STICK!
GOD AND BABY JESUS, HELP HIM! FOR HE DOES NOT KNOW!
I thought Mary knew the commandments were THE WORD OF GOD and not some pliable set of instructions to be applied willy-nilly by some dogmatic bible and fitness shake salesman. APOSTATE! I'm sure the father will be punish him by allowing him to live, until he dies. Crazy old homophobic, hateful, bigoted, ignoramus...um....I mean.... lamb of god.
Welcome to two bowls, eight vodka/oj's, and two beers. I got tunes!
Hey listen. I'm no fuckin hippie, I'll fish-hook ya if I gotta! I'll spit on ya and leave you in a pool of your own blood and piss! Then I'll go home and play wif my wittle kitties! They're the best, most kittenest, kitties! Yes they are! The bestest.....little....Ahem....Like I said, I am no gorp head, but I like the message.
The former Steven Demetre Georgiou, the former Cat Stevens, theblaast presents....Yusuf Islam as Cat Stevens!
Many Blogstream members are there
already! Quotes from members: "It's like blog lite!" -- "I like the instant
gratification!" -- "Stop spectating, get in the game!"
If you have not joined in, you are really missing out!
An elfin lothario playing in the big time. Guys, imagine walking up to a beautiful woman, making confident small talk and asking her out, all the while being eye-level with her cleavage. THAT IS A TOUGH SELL! Obviously, this guy isn't scared. Brave leaders make their followers brave. They don't scare you into being scared.
