Here at TalesFromTheFringe, I have made it clear that I despise religion, all of it.
Well, this is a picture I took of my room last night as the middle finger of the lord penetrated my life.

Yeah, I got a nice place.
I was fast asleep, dreaming of porn and the ACLU like any good secular liberal, when our room was filled with a bright white light. I woke immediately while J remained in a fitful sleep. The light was brighter than anything I had ever seen. Brighter than a monk fire, but not as luminous as an innocent woman burning at the stake. Strangely, I had no discomfort looking directly at it. In fact, I couldn't look away. I felt the abundance of god's love in that light....and it made me feel ignorant and scared....but in a blissful kind of way. Instantly, a warm wave of baseless superiority washed over me. Was I in the presence of god?
After a couple moments, a voice called my name. "blaast", you have been chosen". The voice was gentle, yet assertive, not the the booming baritone with a hint of menace as is portrayed in the movies. It was more like the practiced tone of a veteran serial killer.
The voice said, "Take these to the people, for these are MY true sacred laws". I was mesmerized as two tablets appeared before me. On each tablet, god had written the "sacred laws of man", five on one, five on the other. Needless to say, I was inclined to do what the light said. I asked god how to get the word out, after all, I'm not Moses...or Fox News. He told me to use thefringe. With a bow, I told him it shall be done.
Imagine my surprise that god chose me. I'm not an alcoholic or drug addict, and I have never been in prison. I'm not a racist, homophobe, politician.... nor a gambling addict or ex-porn star. Mysterious ways I guess. I no longer question.
I apologize for all of the venom and vitriol against religion and god, for I have been saved.
Here are the true laws god gave to me, to give to you.
THE TEN
1. Thou shall not question
2. Thou shall not be curious
3. Thou shall force your opinions on strangers with prayer cards
4. Thou shall support war
5. Thou shall at least consider violence when others disagree
6. Thou shall inhibit peace
7. Thou shall hide your homosexuality by hating
8. Thou shall indoctrinate not educate
9. Thou shall be wary black and brown people, wherever they may be
10. Thou shall remain scared
I have done what the good lord has asked. Thank you oh lord, for preying on my fear of the unknown, narrowing my views, and relieving me from the burden of thinking.
The first thing I'm going to do is get two tats. A full back "God, Guns, + Gays" tat and a WWJK(Who Would Jesus Kill) Celtic wrap on my thigh. After that I think I'll be ready to try and join some christian organizations. I don't know what kind of vetting process each of the following groups demand, but here is my wish list:
The Benevolent Order Of Clinic Burners
The Republican Party
The Science Deniers
The KKK
The Boy Scouts
Marksmen for God
My local chapter of Hate Your Way To Heaven
Separate Separation of Church and State
The Belligerent Bible Boys
People Praying For Profit
The Crusades Re-enactment Society
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God bless you all.(unless your not American, white, or straight)
I once was lost, but now I'm bound.
theblaast,
citizen